Arinsal Andorra

SMOKEY BARS

Regular readers of this column will realise that I spend my days in the healthy open air in the Mountains and my nights in Smokey Bars. Guests from Ireland and Britain are often upset that they can no longer enjoy a drink in a smoke free atmosphere. This is because Andorra has not yet caught up with the rest of the civilised world, in banning smoking in public places. Andorra WILL catch up. They always do, women have had the vote here for almost 39 years.

At home, smoking is mainly confined to the poor and the stupid, I realise that there are exceptions to this, but in Spain and Andorra even clever people in well paid jobs smoke. This may be partly due to the cost of cigarettes, I have seen cartons of 200 being sold for about 10 euros, although names that I recognise, from Formula One Cars cost about double this. Smokers, please remember that Andorra is not in the E.U. so you cannot take back an unlimited amount. This would deny our beloved leader, Mr. Brown (blessed be his name) from earning much need taxation.

Recently I have noticed that some very polite smokers from home have been going outside or into the entrance to the bar rather than polluting the whole area. This must be a good habit from home. However there are many more smokers, who selfishly ruin the atmosphere for others. If I am in such a bar, I usually inform the staff that I am leaving as it is too smokey. I think that if more people did this, bar owners would be forced to install decent ventilation or ban smoking. In the current financial climate, no bar wants to loose custom.

The Palarine has a strict NO SMOKING policy in the dining room but do allow it in the bar. Last summer they considered banning smoking in the bar during July and August. They have a charming outside patio, which gets the evening sun, where smokers were going to be encouraged to take their drinks. Sadly they did not try it in case it offended the Hispanic market. It would not work this time of the year ,as it is under snow at present.

Enough of my whingeing, I have had a pleasant week, with a very kind group of good intermediates. We enjoyed some great skiing but had to put up with poor visibility due to snow on a couple of mornings. All things considered, a great week.

THE FIRST WEEK IS OVER

The first British groups are now back home. The weather was kind to them, with clear sunny days and good snow conditions. Friday was the only day with poor visibility, due to it snowing. It was not a large fall but even in the village there was a measurable depth. I hope that they all enjoyed their holiday.

I attended the first 70’s night of the season. This is normally the high spot for those who enjoy their après ski. The new girls were great in “Car Wash” and in “Grease”. Sadly the boys made a complete hash of the “Full Monty.” Come on guys, do the Full Monty or don’t do it. In previous years the Full Monty was performed with vigour and due to discrete lighting the whole thing was in the best possible taste. (As the late Kenny Everett would say.) The current performance ended with full lighting, so when the performers removed their bowler hats, the audience saw sequinned posing pouches, of such bad taste, that even Borat would not have worn one. This performance seemed obscene compared with previous years.

To be fair to the guys, it was their first performance and was not the worst I have seen. This group did have a well performed dance routine. In the early years of the Full Monty a group of Reps and ski instructors performed without a dance routine. It looked like a group of blokes taking off their clothes and putting them on a chair before going swimming.. To make matters worse, they had not timed the routine, so when they were completely naked, except for the discreetly placed bowler hats, there was still six minutes of the seven minute long disco version of “You can keep your hat on” to play. They did have the good grace to look embarrassed.

The second week has just begun, with more snow and poor visibility. I hope the sun will break through soon, as I have two very jolly fun loving groups of beginners and I want them to take them up the mountain soon, so that they can see Arinsal in all its glory. As the schools still on holiday, there are a lot of children in the village and in ski school.

Next week will be our first week when the schools are back. This will mean that there are fewer families and the evenings tend to become livelier, with lots of single people looking for other single people to do unmentionable things to.

Sorry, I have just ended the last sentence with a preposition. This is because I did not want to give any more detail. That would be just too much information.

THE PRICE OF GUINNESS

I was prompted, by question by a visitor on the price of local beer, to conduct a survey on this subject. I found it impossible to do an accurate price comparison, as there were several different brands stocked by the bars. I decided to look for a common denominator and chose the cost of a pint of draught Guinness.

I caught my usual bus to the top of the village and had my first pint in the Princessa Park. I had to ask the Spanish barman for a pinta ( peen tah) of Guinness. This cost me 5 euros. I walked down the hill and found that The Quo Vadis, El Cau, El Moli and Cisco’s all charged 4 euros. The last bar, the Barsolanna charged 3 Euros 50.

My scientific survey was now complete so I walked back to Erts. As I passed the St Gothard I felt a need to use their facilities. After feeling suitably relieved, I checked their bar and found that a pint cost 3 euros 90 cents. I was so pleased to find the second cheapest pint, I let the barman keep the 10 cent change. This made it the same price as most of the other bars, I was feeling very benevolent by this time.

Eventually I arrived safely home at the Palarine Hotel and told STUART about my survey. He became quite belligerent and told me he wanted to be called the Best Barman in Andorra and not the Best Barman in Arinsal as stated in a previous report. Perhaps this was not pure conceit but the fact that the Palarine is in Erts. Well, back to my survey; STUART (B.B.in A.) explained that the Palarine stocked the International Continental Mini Keg Guinness, for sale at only 3-50 euros. He poured it and at the press of a button a high tech miracle was performed. The glass of Guinness became a draught Guinness. It was worth the money just to watch STUART’s magic. He pointed out that this glass is less than a pint and that some of the bars may have been serving the Guinness in half litre glasses which are also less than a pint. I felt at this stage, I was not capable of conducting a Weights and Measures Survey, indeed, coherent speech was becoming increasingly difficult.

I then thought , “ What about the taste?” Well, after the first 3 or 4 I thought that they all tasted the same. Then I thought, “What about the look of the pint?” STUART’s Guinness was a marvel but the best looking pint was in the QUO VADIS. This may be due to the fact that it was served by the lovely CHLOE and every thing she does is beautiful.

I went to bed and slept soundly and dreamt of repeating the survey but next time on Malt Whisky. If I do that survey I think I will choose the evening before my day off.

Due to the fact that this survey was conducted under difficult field conditions, there may be some inaccuracies, if so, would any bar that I missed please tell me and I will correct any errors or ommissions in my next report.

Pre-Season

It is difficult to write a weekly report, when nothing has happened. We are still enjoying deserted slopes and the evenings are quiet. When I arrived the only English bar restaurant open was EL MOLI. The ground floor bar was the meeting point for the newly arrived instructors and other workers. It had been open throughout the summer and made a very cheerful focal point. The upstairs bar overlooks the start of the Gondola lift and the main street and was a pleasant place to enjoy a varied menu. The QUO VADIS had an opening party with “Pica Pica”, bar snacks to you and me. These were delicious and would suggest that the Pub Grub there, will be of a high standard this season. The drinks were served by the ever cheerful KEVIN, assisted by two lovely, lively ladies, CHLOE AND GEMMA. The very traditional CISCO’s opened soon after. By the time this is posted, THE DERBY and EL CAU should be open and in full swing.

I recently noticed that on the PALARINE’s website, there was an article by STUART (the self appointed best barman in Arinsal). In the article he claimed to have been abducted several times by aliens. Reluctantly, I was prepared to believe that aliens had abducted STUART and returned him to the PALARINE. However, I refuse to believe that they would take him a second time.

We are all looking forward to the 22nd December when the first large group of British clients arrive and we start being paid. I hope to see some of you then.

 THE FIRST WEEK OF THE SEASON     

We have just finished our first week of skiing. The main topic of conversation has been the weather. We had had a bit of snow most days but with one glorious clear sunny day, after a night of snow.  The off piste was brilliant.  I was just sorry that my little old legs were not stronger, so that I could have stayed out a bit longer.  As usual at this time of the year there are very few visitors. It really was delightful to be able to ski from the top of the Les Fonts chair to the bottom without seeing another skier. With so few people we have been able to ski the off piste powder without tracking it all.  It is not all good news. On the days that it snowed, the visibility was poor but with so few people here it was great skiing. As one sage said, "If it was always this quiet, I am sure more people would come skiing."

This weekend is a Spanish holiday so we are expecting more skiers until Monday, then it should be quiet again. From 8th  to 20th December the HOTEL PALARINE are offering great deals to anyone that can get here.  I stay there but don’t let that put you off.  I suspect that the other hotels will be doing the same. This is a short report as I cannot hang about typing when there is great skiing to be had.